A Simple Beach Ball by Lizzie Sorkin

Today's our 6th day in India and I have loved it each day. Its hot, humid, colorful, crowded, busy, delicious, overhwleming, intense, nervewracking sometimes, full of autorikshaws beautiful, and today was when it hit me... Its also hard.

Keep in mind I've been to India, I've experienced all that back in 2002. I saw the poverty, the malnutrioned babies, young beggars with beautiful smiles, a dead man lying on the street even...

This time around, for the past 6 days, the overwhelming sad part hadnt hit me yet. Some people in the group took it hard when we all first arrived. Tempted to buy food for young beggars or felt sick as we walked through the slums or struggled to see a young girl hold a unconcious baby in her arms... I was fine, and I asked myself if that meant that I was cold? Had I seen too much to care? It bothered me. Why was I so *shrugs* about it? I even told the group that we all know we can't help everyone, but a smile on their face for even 5 seconds makes it all worthwhile. It really didn't bother me as I walked past the slums, the kids, the poverty in my very face. I just did the normal "no" and went on my way. it happens all day, every day, I got used to it. It didn't bother me -- till today.

For those of you who don't know, Alim has a little "beach ball" project within the GRO India trip. He gives all USA participants a beach ball to give to a kid during the trip.

I gave one a few days ago at the Gateway of India wednesday morning while we were all looking for some people who did laughing yoga. We failed to find any but instead a young boy came to our group and asked us the usual. We all said no. But he stayed and watched us sign. Someone suggested a beach ball, luckily I had mine and decided to blow it up. Eventually we all got into a circle and invited the young boy to join and play with us. His smile is... Just beautiful. After awhile, we decided to go and I told him he could keep it. He smiled a big one and waved. We waved back as we walked away. Such a cute kid.

Today, we were all getting ready to check out of our Mumbai hotel and bring our bags to the deaf club in the afternoon before our train to Goa. As we were all getting taxi's and arranging roles for who has the pagers, directions, and packing the bags ontop of the taxis, a young boy had come up to me but I didn't even bother to look at who was tugging me and just shook him off. I was helping gordon with her bag and he was persistant with us. Sorta just standing near by and watching us. Finally as we were getting ready to sit in the taxi, I finally looked somehow and it was him. That young boy who I gave the beach ball too and I immediatly smiled and gestured "beach ball you?". He smiled and laughed yes and pointed where I had given it to him. All of the sudden it hit me... I pushed him away. I ignored him. He meant nothing to me. I sat in the car amazed and waved at him, he followed us as the taxi was backing up in reverse... We had some water and coke left over and gave it to him... I waved bye again and... Dammit.

If I had one more day in Mumbai, I'd take him with me to chowpatty beach and buy him food, play with him, spend all day with him. I'd invite him to join us to the park, or take him to the movies. If I had looked at him earlier, instead of helping gordon with her bag or making sure everyone was ok with the taxi's.... I'd hug him a big one and ask for a picture. But I didn't.

As the taxi drove away. I sat in silence as tears rolled down my face. Why was I so stupid? Why was I so mean? I couldve done this, that, or this. But I didn't.

I took it really hard on the way to the deaf club. Its been a few hours since and I've gotten over it, to a point. It still hurts and I'm still mad at myself. But, he was damn happy when he got that beach ball, and when he noticed I recognised him today, and he waved us a warm good bye as we left. He's a happy kid... With a beautiful smile. I wish I could bring him home with me. I really do.